Funding For Your Waifu,
Not Just Your Business.
You've been offered the carrot. We're offering the whole carrot cake. At Weeb Funding, we synergize next-gen capital solutions with superior waifu-based support.
Three Steps to Kawaii Capital
Our proprietary process is simple, secure, and optimized for maximum efficiency.
Submit Your Data
Provide your business details through our secure, end-to-end encrypted portal. We accept all major data formats (and even napkin scribbles).
Neko-Agent Consultation
One of our highly-trained cat-girl funding agents will personally review your application and conduct a consultation call (purring is complimentary).
Receive Your Capital
Funds are transferred directly to your account, often within 24 hours. Your custom waifu dashboard will be activated immediately.
More Than Just Funding, It's an Upgrade
We provide a suite of tools designed to enhance your business and your life.
Custom Waifu Dashboards
Tired of boring financial statements? Receive your balance and performance reports featuring a curated selection of top-tier waifus. Tsundere, Yandere, we have a financial personality for you.
24/7 Neko Support
Our dedicated support team is available around the clock. They're trained in both advanced financial queries and comforting headpats. Customer satisfaction is our primary directive.
Plug-and-Play "APIs"
Our visionary founders believe everything should be easy. Need an email blaster or an AI to spy on employees? Just ask! It's probably just a "plug-and-play API." Probably.
Blazing-Fast Payouts
Our funding process is faster than a shinkansen. We leverage cutting-edge quantum blockchain synergy to get capital into your hands before the next anime episode drops.
AI-Powered Underwriting
Our advanced AI analyzes your application with the emotional depth and logical rigor of your favorite anime protagonist. We definitely don't just feed your bank statements into ChatGPT.
Ethically Sourced Capital
All our funding comes from legitimate, totally-not-questionable sources. We ensure every dollar is sourced as ethically as the pizza in a slice-of-life anime.
Meet Your Funding Agents
Our elite team of Neko-Agents are ready to assist you. Nya~
Anya
Head of Tsundere Division
"I-It's not like I reviewed your application because I like you... I just had some free time, okay?!"
Luna
Senior Dandere Analyst
"...Um... your... your cash flow is... very nice. I'll... do my best for you..."
Miki
Genki Growth Specialist
"Heeey! Your business looks SUPER interesting! Let's get you some money so you can grow super big!"
Yuno
Yandere Acquisitions
"You only need our funding. You don't need those other investors. I'll take care of them for you. Forever."
A Server Hero's Stack
Our entire infrastructure isn't some cloud-based nonsense. It's built on a ridiculously powerful, custom-bare-metal server housed in an impractical Lamborghini-themed case. Because performance is everything.
- ✓ Proxmox-chan VE: Bare-metal virtualization for maximum density and performance. We run everything in containers because we're not casuals.
- ✓ pfSense-kun Firewall: A fortress-grade, virtualized firewall that survived multiple "professional" installation attempts. Now it's the true gateway for our entire operation.
- ✓ Shinobi-sensei NVR: 32TB of 24/7 surveillance to ensure the safety of our assets and our collection of rare figures.
$ uname -a
Linux Weeb-lambo 6.9.0-1-nya #1 SMP PREEMPT_DYNAMIC Nya~
$ fetch-waifu --best
Initializing quantum waifu matrix...
Analyzing user preferences...
[SUCCESS] Best girl protocol engaged.
_
Find Your Perfect Funding Tier
Choose a plan that matches your emotional availability and financial needs.
Tsundere Tier
"It's not like I WANT to fund you or anything, b-baka!"
$10,000
- ✓ Standard Neko Support
- ✓ Monthly Waifu Reports
- ✓ Occasional compliments
Dandere Deal
"...If... if you want funding... I can help..."
$50,000
- ✓ Priority Neko Support
- ✓ Weekly Waifu Dashboards
- ✓ Headpat Privileges
- ✓ Blushing encouragement
Yandere Yield
"I'll give you all the funding you need. You'll never need anyone else... EVER."
$250,000+
- ✓ 24/7 Obsessive Support
- ✓ Real-Time Waifu Monitoring
- ✓ We manage everything for you
- ✓ You belong to us now
Frequently Asked Questions
Don't worry, senpai, we have the answers.
Is your waifu real? The answer is just as complex. We provide real capital solutions, but our methods and culture are... unconventional. Think of us as a high-performance financial engine with an anime skin.
We don't use boring terms like "interest." We operate on a "Friendship & Trust" metric. The higher your friendship level with your Neko-Agent, the better your rates. Pro tip: they appreciate headpats and high-quality catnip.
Absolutely. It's a core part of our commitment to superior service. All agents are equipped with top-of-the-line headsets and are contractually obligated to say "nya~" at least once per call.